Top 10 Quotes by Mitch Hedberg

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Mitch Hedberg Quotes

Read 10 best inspirational quotes by Mitch Hedberg. Mitchell Lee Hedberg was an American stand-up comedian known for his surreal humor and unconventional. Here we share top 10 quotes and sayings by Mitch Hedberg with you!

1. It’s very dangerous to wave to people you don’t know because what if they don’t have hands? They’ll think you’re cocky.

Mitch Hedberg

2. I like to play blackjack. I’m not addicted to gambling. I’m addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

Mitch Hedberg

3. I’m sick of following my dreams. I’m just going to ask them where they’re goin’, and hook up with them later.

Mitch Hedberg

4. My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said ‘No, but I want a regular banana later, so… yeah.’

Mitch Hedberg

5. When someone hands you a flyer, it’s like they’re saying here you throw this away.

Mitch Hedberg

6. I’d like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a cart.

Mitch Hedberg

7. I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that… day.

Mitch Hedberg

8. I’m a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone’s life.

Mitch Hedberg

9. I wish I could play little league now. I’d be way better than before.

Mitch Hedberg

10. All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.

Mitch Hedberg