The time we are passing through is era of tension. Nobody have time for entertaining itself. That’s why I am going to share the collections of best funny quotes about life. After reading these funny quotes and sayings you feel somewhat relax.
It’s not true the authors who write these short funny quotes about life, did not encounter any trouble in their life. But most authors of these funny quotes spend their life in troubles, stress & struggling, and nevertheless they gave us some material of entertainment.
I am 100% sure after reading these funny quotes and sayings, you will get some wisdom.
10 funny quotes images
1.People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
2.Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
3.The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
4.The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
5.The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
6.Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
7.Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
8.No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.
9.A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.
10.Man cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter.
list of 42 funny quotes and sayings
1.Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
2.To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.
3.There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
4.The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
5.A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
6.I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.
7.Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
8.If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
9.Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.
10.If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.
11.There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
12.Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese.
13.Practice makes perfect but then nobody is perfect so what’s the point of practicing?
14.Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.
15.May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
16.I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
17.I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.
18.From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.
19.Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
20.Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.
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21.If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
22.Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
23.They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.
24.I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
25.You’re only as good as your last haircut.
26.Never have more children than you have car windows.
27.Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
28.My life needs editing.
29.I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.
30.Animals are sentient, intelligent, perceptive, funny and entertaining. We owe them a duty of care as we do to children.
31.I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.
32.Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
33.A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
34. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
35. I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
36. I have a new philosophy. I’m only going to dread one day at a time.
37. I have a memory like an elephant. I remember every elephant I’ve ever met.
38. Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
39. Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting.
40. If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.
41. I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.
42. My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
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