Erma Bombeck Quotes on Motherhood, Family & Marriage

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Erma Bombeck Quotes

Read Best inspirational Erma Bombeck quotes and sayings on motherhood, family, funny and marriage. She was an American humorist who achieved great popularity for her newspaper column, she also described suburban home life from the mid-1960s until the late 1990s. We collect her best quotes of Erma Bombeck and share with you!

1. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Erma Bombeck

2. The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

Erma Bombeck

3. Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

Erma Bombeck

4. It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.

Erma Bombeck

5. Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.

Erma Bombeck

6. There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.

Erma Bombeck

7. Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

Erma Bombeck

8. Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It’s gossip.

Erma Bombeck

9. Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.

Erma Bombeck

10. If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Erma Bombeck

11. How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?

Erma Bombeck

12. Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.

Erma Bombeck

13. Never have more children than you have car windows.

Erma Bombeck

14. When humor goes, there goes civilization.

Erma Bombeck

15. A friend doesn’t go on a diet because you are fat.

Erma Bombeck

16. Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.

Erma Bombeck

17. Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they’re not trying to keep up with you.

Erma Bombeck

18. God created man, but I could do better.

Erma Bombeck

19. A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

Erma Bombeck

20. Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.

Erma Bombeck

21. Never order food in excess of your body weight.

Erma Bombeck

22. In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn’t danced in television.

Erma Bombeck

23. It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.

Erma Bombeck

24. I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.

Erma Bombeck

25. Never accept a drink from a urologist.

Erma Bombeck